Living in San Francisco for the past 5+ years we’ve become quite the hot-weather pussies. We expect fog and a max temp of 80 degrees. Nothing prepared us for the heat that was Utah. How do the Mormons deal with all the hotness? Isn’t it like against their religion? Triple digits? Like for real? I know I went to college in Arizona, but I’ve gotten soft. I can’t handle the heat, so I need to get the fuck out of the kitchen…or direct sun.

From Boulder, we had an long-ass drive to Moab. Which long to us is anything over 4 hours. I dislike driving, says the girl who hasn’t owned a car in 4 years and relies heavily on public transportation.

We arrived in Moab around 5pm and it was still 100 degrees. WTF. Who left the oven on? We set up camp at another KOA and decided to head into Arches National Park to catch the sunset. How romantic…

One of the things we really wanted to see in Arches, was the thing everyone else wanted to see. The Delicate Arch. So the next morning, we woke up at the butt-crack of dawn to one, avoid the crowds and two, avoid the heat.

The hike to the arch is 1.5 miles and we were on that trail by 7am. Always arrive early to the national park party. For real. The crowds just get worse and more uncomfs.

We were able to get some serious alone time with the arch and we only had a dozen people watching. On our way back to the car, it was an endless stream of people making their way to the iconic arch. Suckers.

The remainder of the oh-so hot day we spent exploring random pullouts throughout the park. Arches is quite a small national park so it’s totally doable in one full day. Plus, you really don’t want to be outside from 10am-4pm. So do everything either really early or really late. And wear sunscreen and drink shit tons of water, for the love of god. To escape the heat for a bit, we hit up Moab Brewery. I mean, we really had to. It was the heat. Right? We also rocked our own socks off at a rock shop on the main drag in Moab.

The next day, we packed up our tent super quietly (you gotta honor those camping quiet hours) and headed to a random state park we found along the way. Dead Horse State Park looks like the Grand Canyon without all the crowds. We found a long loop hike and honestly, we were the only people on the hike. Craig took so many canyon pics I thought he was maybe going to leave me for the layers of sedimentary rock. But he didn’t. Phew.

If you are ever in the Moab area, instead of doing what everyone else is doing, hit up the road less traveled. AKA Dead Horse State Park. Plus, it’s a shit ton cheaper than the big national parks. $10. As in a perfect 10.

From Moab we headed west-ish, to Goblin Valley State Park. This park feels like you traveled a long time ago, to a galaxy far, far away. This park is for the Katrina Firenze’s of the world. It gives you that sci-fi high like a good old Star Wars movie does, except, confession, I’ve never seen one. So I wouldn’t really know.

We camped for two nights at the one and only campground in the park. And thank god each site had a covered picnic area to escape the heat. To be honest, you could do Goblin in an hour. If that. It’s an extremely small park with only a handful of hikes. But it’s definitely worth the stop (and the climbing).

During our first night, we mad the rookie mistake to sleep with our rainfly off our tent. I mean, it’s so fucking hot out. Who wants to hotbox it in their tent?

And then guess what? We got bitch slapped by the sand at midnight and had to run to car and quietly set up our fly in the dark, during a windstorm. God we are good.

The next day, we took a trip to Capitol Reef National Park. Never heard of it? Neither had we, but it was fairly close to middle-of-nowhere Goblin. So in the car we went.

We were mighty sleepy since the last week or so involved us getting up around 5:30 to get into the parks early and avoid the heat. But then you saw awakening views like this that seemed to just appear out of nowhere. Is the heat making us hallucinate?

Once we got to Capitol Reef, it was refreshing to not have it swarming with tourists. We drove the Scenic Road and ooh-ed and ahh-ed the entire way.

We also managed to squeeze in one short hike through some gorgeous canyons at the very end of said scenic road. And I also managed to terrify myself by wondering what it would be like in the canyon during a flash flood. I mean they had signs everywhere, so I really blame them for placing these thoughts in my head. #DebbieDowner.

Up next? Some monumental things and the heat that won’t die.