After exploring and getting personal with Jasper, we decided to keep it in the family and see what Jasper’s sister had to offer. Banff, you sexy thing. While Jasper definitely showed us a good time, you took it up a notch with your physical beauty that totally blue us away. Don’t tell your sister. We still wanna date her, too.

Driving back to Banff on the Icefield Parkway we decided to hit up things we missed the first time around. The first being Peyto Lake. Repeat it, memorize it, visit it. It’s f-ing gorgeous in a way that honestly brought a tear to my eye. Don’t tell anyone. I’m trying to live my life as a hardass.

Everyone and their mother goes to the lookout point that’s a 10 minute walk from the carpark, whips out their selfie stick or accidentally photobombs others. We did a little research and found if you venture up the path a ways 15 minutes or so, it branches off to a sorta-secret viewpoint. I felt like I hit the nature jackpot. Zero people and just a big beautiful blue lake. I think I have something in my eye.

After soaking in the view, we ventured back to the commoners and back to our car. Onwards we go.

At this point we decided to just head to our last campground of the trip to set everything up. We booked two nights at Two Jack Lakeside right outside of Banff. Seriously, this was my fave campground of the trip. I know I probably say that a lot and am like totally leading other campsites on, but it’s true.

I thought I was oh-so smart and booked a different site each night. Based on the reviews I read and the online map, it seemed site 32 was this isolated goldmine, but it was booked our first night there. Well, it wasn’t exactly the gem I thought it was. I would have much rather stayed at glorious site 28 that we had the first night. It was RIGHT on the lake. Granted, you have a lot of sites close to you, but your front yard is this:

The water was like glass, and truth be told, I totally felt like a child that sees a ‘do not touch’ sign, and I just wanted to slap the shit out of the water. Cause a ripple, ya know?

By the time we set up camp (which not to brag, but we’re pretty damn good/fast at) and went into town to mooch off some bars wifi, it was dinner time. We’ve gotten into a nice system. Craig is the firestarter (a la Prodigy) and I “cook” dinner. Which really means I just boil water on our camping stove and add to our dehydrated camping food. Backpackers Pantry’s Pad Thai is my jam. Seriously. The. Best.

So far, no elk. Just rumors of grizzly sightings nearby, but whatevs.

The next morning we woke up and headed to the Bachelor-famed Lake Louise, for the third time. Not because I love a good threesome…or because I loved the episode during Sean’s season where a girl almost got hypothermia, but because we wanted to canoe and wind had blown it for us. But today was the day, oh yes. We got there right when they opened, paid a ridiculous amount per hour to canoe (I blame the overpriced Fairmont which owns the canoes). Price aside, it was awesome. The water is this insane color of blue. Or is it green? Maybe I’m colorblind. Regardless, you don’t see lakes this color in the land of lakes, Minnesota.

After canoeing the entire length of the lake and back, our arms felt worked (and not just because I used a selfie stick in the middle of the lake).

Next, we ventured up to Morraine Lake. And if I’m going to be totally honest, didn’t even come close to Peyto or Louise. Sorry not sorry. The water was low (along with my impression).

We headed back to the campground to move sites to the nice/ just-not-what-we-expected site of 32. It was still lakefront, but not as isolated as we thought, our old campsite was honestly 20 feet to the right.

Tent, set. Why not go mountain biking? We head into Banff to rent some bikes. The girl gives us a fairly easy trail to hit up. I’ve never been mountain biking, so it was quiet fun pretending to be a pro biker on team Red Bull.

We’re biking, just minding our own business, with not too much of the 9-mile loop to go, and we round a corner…SCREECH!! Hey, Mr. Black Bear right on our trail. Trust me, that bear looked just as startled as we did. We were told prior, that bikers are more prone to bear attacks because they are quiet and startle the bear with their fast movement. Noted.

We stop. Craig instantly puts his hands up above his head and starts talking to our new bear friend. It stares some more. But doesn’t move or, the worst, stand up on its hind legs. Then Craig notices something even more “exciting”…another bear down the trail about 25 yards. And not just any bear, but a fucking (sorry, grandma) grizzly. So many questions race through my head. Do we have to bike back the entire way we already came? Am I about to poop my pants? Why didn’t we buy some damn bear spray? Should I grab my camera for a bear selfie?

We keep yelling, letting the bears know we are here and really don’t want to get attacked. They slowly cross the trail and start climbing the steep mountain. Oh great, are they going to jump on us from above just like the damn apes in the movie Congo? We keep talking. Luckily, I was born with a really loud voice. Thanks, Bill & Judy Feder. After what seems like an eternity, we slowly bike along the path while singing really loud and off key, Lana Del Rey’s Summertime Sadness. And you know what? It worked. We didn’t die. We kept biking and ran into some people on horseback. They asked us if we saw the bears, we said yes. And the leader goes “Oh, I’d be quite scared on bikes running into a bear.” You and I both, lady.

I’ll forever be thankful to Lana and her summery song. But sorry to break it to you, Lana…bears are not your target market.

Stay tuned for more Canadian adventures, sans bears and elk, when we roam our way to Whistler and Vancouver.