This vegetarian (me) is an animal lover. I would cuddle the shit out of all the animals, if they’d let me…and not kill me in the process.

Animals are my jam. The giraffe is my spirit animal and most of my friends know I tear up at the mere mention of dolphins. So it should come as no surprise that we would do a safari while in Africa.

After summiting Kili, we wanted to be lazy-ish. So with a bruised ass, a loose baby toenail and a severely bruised big toenail, we got our safari on the day after we got off the mountain. We are such party animals.

We used African Scenic Safaris (again) and were picked up at our hostel by our guide, Tom, and our cook, Omi. Sadly, I have no pics of them. But just imagine them in their awesomeness.

You have the option to do any type of safari. You want a luxe lodge safari? You got it. Give me your wallet. You want a one-with-nature safari? Sleep with one eye open. Gripping your pillow tight. Guess which we did? We chose nature, naturally. So for the next 5 days/4 nights, we would see three national parks and camp within the parks and be one with nature…and not leave our tent in the  middle of night because we (and by we, I mean me) were afraid of animals roaming into the camp. Which they totally did.

Safari life is a lot of driving. A lot. From Moshi, we drove an hour to the big city of Arusha to pick up snacks and booze. I mean, we didn’t drink for a whole 7 days on Kili, so it was a necessity.

Two hours later, we reached our first park, Tarangire. After dropping off our gear and Omi so he could cook up some magic, we ventured off for an evening game drive. Safari tip, most animals are active in the early morning or evening hours, so it’s best to explore then. During the day, they are lazy. I like their style.

Our guide Tom informed us that he was gifting us free African back massages. How thoughtful? Lies. The massage came from the bumpy roads that left us bouncing around and around. Make sure you hold on when standing up to look at the animals.

Right off the bat, we saw giraffes, elephants, angry water buffalo, gazelles.

…and a bunch of birds that only Tom knew the names of.

That guy could spot an animal with a blindfold on. Luckily, we had binoculars. So every time he said “do you see xyz at 2 o’clock?” we didn’t have to lie.

Tarangire had SO many elephants. I think this was the spot where elephants bumped giraffes from the top of my list. Safari, not sorry.

They would get so close to the car because they don’t give a fuck. I mean, you can’t compete with an elephant. When they would get super close, Tom would warn us to not be loud or they could get aggressive. You don’t have to tell me twice.

We drove around for a few hours and as the sun was starting to set, we headed back to camp to eat and secretly panic that we were camping with no fence to keep the wild animals out.

Our tent was beyond spacious. Especially since we were used to our tent on Kili which only had room for the two of us to sit up in. That’s it. This was the Escalade of tents.

Now quick, eat dinner (which was delicious BTW), pee, get ready for bed and then get in that damn tent and don’t leave. I asked Tom if animals really wander into camp with all the people around. And he said “absolutely, didn’t you see the animal droppings right by your tent.” Awesome.

I’m glad I have no problem falling asleep and usually sleep through any noise. The next morning we woke up (thankfully not eaten by animals) and Tom goes “did you hear the lions last night?” No, Tom, I didn’t. I have to go throw up now.

In truth, I got much better sleeping in a tent with lions, etc. roaming freely. I just didn’t think about it.

After packing up our stuff, we headed to Serengeti National Park. Ever heard of it?

We would spend two days exploring this massive national park. Not to pick favorites, but I’m going to. This park was my favorite out of the three. Why? Because we saw every type of safari animal, not to mention a lion attack (that ended in a lion fail). Oh my.

From Tarangire to Serengeti took a very very long time. Remember that African back massage? Well we got a 4-hour massage. Jealous? We also saw giraffes along the side of the road.

And stopped to take a picture of the entrance.

After driving through the park for what felt like ages, we finally arrived at our campsite and set things up…and discovered a lovely sign.

Not sure what ‘attact’ means, but I think I understand. Don’t. Leave. The. Campsite. Tom also told us a few tips. If you see eyes staring back at you in the dark (which we did), flip your headlamp on and off. If they go away, it’s just a hyena. If they don’t, it’s a predator. And back the fuck up. Slowly. Also, if you open your tent in the middle of the night to pee, and see a large dark shadow, don’t get out of your tent. That’s a buffalo. Wait for it to leave. Thankfully, we only saw (that we know of) hyenas at night, rummaging through the garbage.

The next day we ventured out for a full day of game driving. The Serengeti is massive and has tons of roads weaving throughout the park. Thank god for Tom. He helped us explore every spot and never once got lost. Or so we think. I guess we’ll never know.

We saw animals just lion around in the trees.

We saw so many zebras I started to go cross-eyed.

As I mentioned above, we saw a lion attack. We waited for almost an hour (along with a lot of other safari trucks).

It was amazing to see the top dog, I mean cat, hunt for food. They slowly slinked across the grass, while getting into a formation that would make even Beyonce proud. Tom also informed us the dominant female is the hunter. The male just sits back, waits for the attack…and hopefully food. Slacker. Sadly, this hour-long hunt ended in a miss. Those damn gazelles are much faster than lions. Time for a cat nap.

While on a safari you get freakishly close to the animals. So much so that you start to worry they may actually just get in the car with you.

I’m pretty sure that when we got super close to a male lion, he thought Craig was his brother. He even roared at him. Then was back to cruising that female to the right for sex. The lion, not Craig.

During the safari we took so many photos, but like most things in life, they can’t really be captured by a camera, until you get that postcard money shot.

You see things you don’t get to see in your daily life (unless you are a safari guide)…and you also realize that for Christmas you should totally ask for a baby elephant. Hint, hint, mom.

Our second day in Serengeti we woke up bright at early since, remember, that’s when the animals are most active. Not to mention the sunrise in the Serengeti doesn’t suck either.

The next day we saw not one, but two leopards.

Multiple cheetahs.

And a bunch of other wild things.

After two days of driving around and seeing the Serengeti show off, we packed up and headed to Ngorongoro Conservation Area. Or as I like to call it Ngogogorogogo. Words are hard. This crater once was home to the Masai tribe, but they were essentially kicked out, and now live just outside the crater. But you will still see them roaming around everywhere with all their cattle.

You can’t camp within the crater, so we set up our tent on the rim. Since the drive from Serengeti to the rim took around 4 hours, we chilled for the rest of the day and would venture down into crater around sunrise.

Once on the floor of the crater, we explored for around 3 hours. We didn’t end up seeing the elusive black rhino which is why a lot of people visit the crater, but we did see more lions up close (some even decided to seek shade using our safari truck).

We also saw the hyenas take down a baby buffalo, which was tragic to say the least. The poor mama was trying to protect her baby, while the hyenas slowly just ate it alive. Don’t worry, I have zero pictures from that event. Instead, here’s a pic of Craig sleeping, post-buffalo attack. It took a lot out of him.

All in all, the safari was one of the coolest things ever. Zoos are lame. Seeing animals in their natural habitat is where it’s at.

After spending almost two weeks around Moshi/Arusha area. We were ready to venture out. And since life’s such a beach, we hopped a short flight to Zanzibar and did absolutely nothing for about 10 days. I mean, we did have some stomach issues to blame the first few days, but still.

The first five days, we got an Airbnb on the east coast. The view was awesome.

The beach was gorgeous (at high tide). But as a whole, we were both underwhelmed by our “budget” bungalow. Maybe it had something to do with our stomach issues, but we weren’t really feeling it. We spent most time at the hotel next door that had good food and fast wifi.

We channeled our inner tourist and hit up The Rock. It was cool, but we went at low tide and personally, the view was better from our hammock.

We had an unconventional Thanksgiving sans the tofurkey and pumpkin pie, but for sure included booze.

If you ever visit Zanzibar, which I recommend, head north. It’s WAY better. The beaches don’t have the drastic high/low tide like the east and it’s just more tranquil.

We stayed five days at Sazani Beach Lodge. And you know what? We were the only guests.

It was amazing. Not to mention, we became friends with the manager, Alif, and his friend who recently moved out to Zanzibar, Mauri. They truly made the time a blast. Just laughing, drinking, soaking up the rays. Craig even got a beard trim from Mauri.

Beard grooming aside, falling asleep to the waves and waking up every morning to out-of-this-world turquoise water was just what we needed.

I would have stayed a month here. Fact. I’d like to think it had a lot to do with the new friends we made though. Group hug.

I’m still hoping for the day when Mauri buys us a house in New Zealand and we all live together, happily ever after.

Our 3+ weeks in Tanzania were truly remarkable. And as much as I hate to say this, life-changing. The country broke/warmed my heart all at once. Coming from a place with all the comforts and then some, you realize that many, many people are not even half as lucky as you are. Things like clean drinking water, electricity, heat, a house with a door are all things one takes for granted.

Tanzanians were some of the most welcoming people I’ve come across on my travels. Always smiling and saying jambo (hi) when we passed them on the streets, as strangers. For a country that has crippling poverty and so little material possessions, they are rich in spirit and kindness. I found myself on the verge of tears a lot of the time as we drove through villages and realized those dilapidated sheds were actually homes, fitting whole families inside.  It was a new level of poverty. Like nothing you see in the streets of San Francisco, or anywhere else in the States.

Thank you Tanzania for opening my semi-spoiled eyes so I can now appreciate just how truly lucky of an asshole I really am. Until next time…